Who Sits on the Throne of Your Life? Dethroning What Was Never Meant to Lead

If you have ever watched Game of Thrones, you would remember the Iron Throne.

Cold. Sharp. Uncomfortable.
Forged from swords of conquered enemies.
It symbolised ultimate authority and control.

Kingdoms rose and fell trying to claim it. Families destroyed themselves fighting for it. Entire identities were built around the pursuit of sitting on that throne.

And recently, I realised something confronting.

We all carry an Iron Throne.

Not in a kingdom.
But in our hearts.
In our thoughts.
In the invisible leadership space inside our lives.

And whether we realise it or not, something is always trying to sit on it.

The Many Rivals for the Throne

In my life, there have been many contenders.

Expectations from parents.
Marriage dynamics.
Motherhood responsibilities.
Mental health seasons.
Trying to do well.
Trying to hold everything together.

These voices shaped how I showed up in different seasons.

But they were not the strongest enemy.

The most persistent one was far more subtle.

Frustration.

The Enemy That Feels Justified

Frustration is sneaky.

It rarely announces itself as dangerous.
In fact, it often feels justified.

It whispers:

"You are carrying too much."
"Why is this so hard?"
"You need to push harder."
"If you do not hold everything together, it will fall apart."

And if I am honest, frustration did not only exhaust me.

At times, it fuelled me.

It made me persistent.
It made me tenacious.
It pushed me to dig deeper when things felt unfair or overwhelming.

Frustration helped build parts of my resilience.

But here is the truth I had to face:

What helped build me was never meant to rule me.

The Daenerys Pattern

There is a character in Game of Thrones, Daenerys Targaryen, whose story mirrors this emotional tension.

She lost everything.
Home. Security. Identity.
She rebuilt herself through strength and determination, gathering allies and reclaiming control.

But over time, her identity became inseparable from possessing the throne. She could not imagine a future where she was not ruling.

Her strength was not her downfall.
Her refusal to release control was.

Frustration can follow the same pattern in our lives.

It begins as protection.
It grows into motivation.
But if left unchecked, it becomes domination.

The Hard Realisation

There came a moment where I recognised something uncomfortable.

Frustration was no longer helping me lead my life.
It was leading my reactions.
It was shaping my tone.
It was influencing my decisions.
It was colouring how I showed up for the people I love.

Frustration was sitting on my throne.

And the hardest truth was this:

Frustration does not step down voluntarily.

The Jon Snow Moment

In that fictional story, Daenerys is ultimately confronted by someone who loves her deeply but recognises she cannot remain in power.

That moment is painful. But necessary.

It made me realise something personal.

My frustration needed its own Jon Snow moment.

Not to destroy emotion.
But to remove its authority.

There is a difference between feeling frustration and being ruled by it.

One is human.
The other is captivity.

Dethroning Without Losing Drive

Dethroning frustration did not mean eliminating drive or passion.

Frustration still has a place.

It can be:
• A signal that something matters
• A prompt to dig deeper
• A spark for resilience

Frustration belongs in the engine room.
It was never meant to sit in the throne room.

When frustration rules, everything feels urgent and heavy.
When frustration becomes fuel instead of authority, resilience becomes sustainable and peace becomes possible.

The Spiritual Turning Point

Dethroning frustration required surrender.

Because the throne is never empty.

Something always occupies it.

For me, this meant intentionally placing Jesus at the centre of my emotions, decisions, and identity.

Peace is not found when frustration learns to behave.
Peace comes when frustration loses the crown.

The Leadership Reflection

Whoever sits on our internal throne shapes the atmosphere around us.

Leaders ruled by frustration create pressure filled environments.
Leaders grounded in peace create safe spaces for people to grow and thrive.

True leadership begins with self leadership.
And self leadership begins with recognising what governs our hearts.

The Ongoing Choice

Frustration still visits.
It still speaks.
It still tries to convince me it deserves the throne.

I honour what it helped me build.
But I refuse to crown it again.

Because not every strong emotion deserves authority.

A Reflection for You

If you paused long enough to look inward, you might discover you carry an Iron Throne too.

The question is not whether something is sitting on it.

The question is who.

Is it fear?
Control?
Pressure?
Expectations?
Frustration?
Performance?

Or is peace, truth, and trust guiding your life?

Some battles are not about winning control.
Some battles are about surrendering it to someone worthy of leading us.

🤍 Vera
Leadership & Communication Coach
Founder of The Honesty Lab & VeraChin.com