The Cost of Being Responsible

A personal reflection on identity, transition, and the quiet ache for more.

For over 15 years, I’ve built a solid, trusted career in legal and IT consulting. On paper, it looks like success: steady income, respected expertise, flexibility to support my family. I’ve done the “right” things – and I’m grateful. Truly.

But beneath that gratitude, I’ve been holding a quiet truth.

The life I’ve built is safe — but is it still true?

I keep my part-time role because it supports our family: our home, our daughters' education, and extended needs across generations. It’s not something I can walk away from lightly. And yet... I’m not the same person I was when I chose this path.

Lately, I find myself not reaching for technical upskilling like I used to. Instead, I’m devouring books on leadership, self-development, communication, and character. I’m more drawn to who I’m becoming than what I’m doing. And that shift is hard to ignore.

There’s a version of me – a more purpose-led, people-focused version – quietly asking for space. And the more I resist her, the heavier everything feels.

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”
— Brené Brown

Doing what I “should” has kept me secure — but small

I’ve always been someone who honours duty. But I can see how much of my life I’ve edited down to keep things calm around me.

We take short trips but keep them quiet. I withhold my joy to avoid upsetting delicate dynamics. I move carefully, gently — sometimes too gently. And in doing so, I shrink.

I long to show my daughters what it looks like to live with freedom, faith and fullness. But how can I, when I’m still negotiating so much behind the scenes?

If I stay on this path another 5–10 years… what might I lose?

There’s a part of me that imagines doing the opposite of what’s expected:
Paying off the mortgage. Investing in property. Living overseas for a season.
Designing a life that’s both generous and free.

But if I don’t course-correct — if I keep saying “just a little longer” — I know where this leads. Exhaustion. Disconnection. A slow leak of joy and authenticity.

The truth is: I might not make it another five years like this. Not because I can’t, but because something in me refuses to keep pretending this still fits.

What this season is teaching me

Being responsible has served me. But I’m learning that there’s a cost when responsibility becomes your only language. It crowds out desire. It delays alignment. It can even blur your identity.

I want to be a person of value – someone who brings light, clarity, and strength into every space. I want to lead, not just deliver. To grow, not just survive.

And maybe that starts with a quiet moment like this:
Naming what’s changing.
Owning what I no longer want.
And making space for what could be.

💬 Does this resonate with you?

If this reflection resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Share your thoughts with me and reach out directly. Let’s navigate these transitions together.

🤍 Vera
Leadership & Communication Coach
Founder of The Honesty Lab
verachin.com | [email protected]